{"id":260,"date":"2020-03-16T18:32:20","date_gmt":"2020-03-16T18:32:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/renosatanic.com\/?p=260"},"modified":"2023-02-12T00:02:47","modified_gmt":"2023-02-12T00:02:47","slug":"why-satan-eds-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/2020\/03\/16\/why-satan-eds-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Satan: Ed’s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Our paths to modern Satanism are varied. Why Satan<\/em> is our ongoing blog series where we tell about our individual journies in our own voices. We are hoping that these stories provide inspiration and comfort to those taking this path less traveled. If you would like to participate and share your story, you may email your contribution to namah@renosatanic.com<\/a> or, if you prefer, fill out our form<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Submissions may be slightly edited for length and clarity.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo by freestocks-photos (Pixabay)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I was raised as a Christian (unique, I know) from two wonderful parents who are still a part of the church I grew up in (they are deacons now I think). Despite many Satanists, I\u2019m actually proud of the way I was raised. Church gave me a weekly routine, and even though I HATED getting up in the morning, I enjoyed the kids in my Sunday school classes. Still friends with some of them even. The church taught me to respect authority and to trust my parents. When I started playing drums I played for the local churches. I was told my position was to \u201clead\u201d worship. I was a \u201cleader\u201d in the church. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fast forward a few years…I\u2019ve drifted farther and farther from my childhood beliefs. I\u2019m still playing drums for church though. I am still a \u201cleader\u201d. My musicianship allows me to compartmentalize putting on a show during worship and how I actually feel. I think the people I went to church with deep down knew I had all but lost faith. I felt shunned. My fellow musicians smiled, said hi, engaged in the mandatory small talk for the appropriate amount of time, but none of them tried to be a part of my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The final straw, the moment I knew I wasn\u2019t a christian any more happened at a \u201crevival concert\u201d in Sacramento. Thousands of people showed up to sing, dance, hear the word of god, all with the plan of leaving and spreading that feeling they had that weekend. A longtime friend of mine invited me and I jumped at the opportunity to experience god again. I was surrounded by a new set of friendly faces and all of them were so pumped on god. I was stoked. The first day of the revival we go inside and the lights go down, the worship (read: god themed concert, right down to the smoke, lasers, chants, etc) begins and within minutes people are falling to their knees crying. I’m just excited to watch a live drummer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the end of the day we had listened to people talk (I wouldn\u2019t be able to tell you what anymore), listened to a bunch of music, and did \u201cthe altar call\u201d-I\u2019ll spare you the details of that, I\u2019m long-winded enough. We walked back to our hotel and when I suggested we get a drink or two and go over the day’s events. These people looked at me like I had a dick growing out of my forehead. No alcohol tonight apparently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next day went the same way…music, talking, etc. This time though among all the passion, energy, fervor, ya boy was just focusing on not falling asleep. I felt nothing anymore. I was frustrated that everyone had their experiences and not me. I was annoyed that they wanted to keep singing when I wanted to just go back to sleep. I was hungry, tired, miserable, and was already being ostracized. It was then that I realized this wasn\u2019t for me. If this hugely religious ceremony at peak emotions didn\u2019t stir anything in me, then nothing would. Atheism, here I come. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next few years was me awkwardly avoiding conversations with church friends about what church I went to, or how my faith was. Awkwardly skirting conversations regarding religion with my parents. Awkwardly stumbling over my words talking with acquaintances or coworkers when they discuss religious themes. This all went on until a (christian) friend reposted an article about The Satanic Temple on Facebook. The article discussed TST\u2019s fight for church and state separation, which by now I was all in for. The article did TST the service of mentioning that they don\u2019t sacrifice babies, they don\u2019t believe in ANY god, and they disprove of pseudoscience. Color me interested. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a few weeks of following TST on social media, asking around on the now-defunct Facebook forum, and doing my own independent research of googling TST, I decided to make the plunge. The act in and of itself wasn\u2019t very exciting. Remember I\u2019m used to hour-long sessions of people getting plunged in water, ritual bread and grape juice sessions, and I even washed someone else\u2019s foot as a sign of humility. None of that for TST. As far as I was concerned, once I clicked \u201cbuy\u201d for my certificate and card that was it for me. I was a Satanist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

People have their testimonials of how church has made their life so much better, gods blessings bestowed upon them, they feel renewed and a totally changed person, so I figure I\u2019ll put mine down too. For all intents and purposes, my life is the same. Financially its no different, emotionally I\u2019m not more happy or sad, I\u2019m not a totally different person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are some emotions I dropped since my \u201cconversion\u201d. I\u2019m not scared. I\u2019m not scared of appeasing an angry god. I\u2019m not scared of hoping I did enough. I\u2019m not scared of what my fellow church members are saying behind my back. I\u2019m not scared of putting up good enough appearances. I\u2019m not scared of being pulled into the worship pastor\u2019s office to assure him I\u2019m a good enough christian to be getting a new girlfriend. I\u2019m not terrified if my premarital sex would lead to me being Left Behind (christian fear mongering at it\u2019s finest, in both adult and young adult flavors). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not confused any more either. I don\u2019t need to be doing mental karate to justify in supernatural things like god or a man walking on water. I don\u2019t have to question why animals talk thousands of years ago but don\u2019t anymore. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m not embarrassed. I\u2019m not a part of a group of people who pick and chose what their beliefs are, and using those beliefs to oppress others. I know now I\u2019m on the right side of issues like homosexuality, transphobia, church\/state separation, etc. My beliefs aren\u2019t based on lessons from Sunday school, but instead are evidence-based, objective truths, with the ability to change if new evidence comes out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m confident in my choice to be a Satanist. I\u2019m confident that we can make positive changes without blind fervor in an ancient text. I\u2019m relieved I don\u2019t have to obey an angry, impulsive, and abusive Father who historically lays out the \u201cI hit because I love you\u201d line over and over again. I\u2019m a Satanist and it\u2019s going to take a hell of a lot to get me to renounce it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ed <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Would you like to read more stories about our personal journies to Modern Satanism? There\u2019s more here\u2026<\/a>
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I was raised as a Christian (unique, I know) from two wonderful parents who are still a part of the church I grew up in (they are deacons now I think). Despite many Satanists, I\u2019m actually proud of the way I was raised. … Continue reading…Why Satan: Ed’s Story<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":263,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[14],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/260"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=260"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/260\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":347,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/260\/revisions\/347"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/263"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=260"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=260"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/renosatanic.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=260"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}